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  • #16
    When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a daring proposal;
    -Whoever dares to jump, swim to shore and survive, I will give 1 million dollars.
    Nobody dared to move, suddenly a man jumped into the water and desperately swam towards the shore while he was chased by all the crocodiles.
    With great luck he arrived, taking the admiration of everyone in the place, then the owner announced;
    -We have a brave winner.
    After collecting their reward, the couple returned to the hotel, upon arrival, the manager told him; he was very brave to jump, then the man said;
    -I didn't jump, someone pushed me!
    His wife smiled ...
    Moral: "Behind every successful man, there is a woman who pushes him."

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    • #17
      "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
      The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
      "Yes, Father, it is."
      "And who was the girl you were with?"
      "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
      "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
      "I cannot say."
      "Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
      "I'll never tell."
      "Was it Nina Capelli?"
      "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
      "Was it Cathy Piriano?"
      "My lips are sealed."
      "Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
      "Please, Father! I cannot tell you."
      The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
      Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
      "Four months vacation and five good leads..."

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      • #18

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        • #19

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          • #20

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            • #21
              Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Patrol Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
              He thinks to himself,....
              "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
              So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
              Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.
              The driver, obviously confused, says to him,....
              "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
              "Ma'am," the officer replies,....
              "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
              "Slower than the speed limit?" she asked.....
              No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
              The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
              A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
              "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask...
              Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks.
              The old lady replied....
              "Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

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              • #22

                Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:
                Dear Grand-daughter,
                The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a
                'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..
                I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a
                thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
                So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper..
                Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
                I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
                thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the
                light had changed.
                It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't
                honked, I'd never have noticed.
                I found that lots of people love Jesus!
                While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,
                and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of
                God!'
                'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'
                What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
                Everyone started honking!
                I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those
                loving people.
                I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
                ;
                There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
                yelling something about a sunny beach.
                I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger
                stuck up in the air.
                I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
                He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
                Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window
                and gave him the good luck sign right back.
                My grandson burst out laughing.
                Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
                A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that
                they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
                I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is
                when I noticed the light had changed.
                So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on
                through the intersection.
                I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection
                before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave
                them after all the love we had shared.
                So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
                Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord
                for such wonderful folks!!
                Will write again soon,
                Love,,,, grandma..

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                • #24
                  A pensioner drove his brand new BMW to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought,
                  "I'm too old for this nonsense !"
                  So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.
                  The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said,
                  "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."
                  The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :-
                  "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!
                  The Cop left saying,
                  " Have a good day, Sir "...

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                  • #25

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